Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Yep, I've got 'em.  I'm pretty sturdy when it comes to physical pain, but that was a whole new level of hurt.  I will be seeing a surgeon Monday to see if I have to have my gall bladder removed.  I am oddly nervous about this.  I've only been hospitalized three times in my life: when I was born, when I had my tonsils out at fourteen, and almost thirty-two years ago when my son was born.  I don't care for this surgical prospect at all.

In other news, I have never been one to wish to live my life over and make changes.  That said, I've recently found myself wishing for myself the ability to go back about two years, maybe three, and freeze time at that point.  Rich hadn't yet had the accident on our beautiful yellow bike then, and my sister and two of my best friends were still with me.  There have been lots of things that have happened in my life since the summers of 2008 and 2009, and not nearly enough of them have been happy.  
I often think I should try to change myself in some very major ways.  I should try to be less trusting, less open, less giving.  I should be more skeptical, more reserved.  I wish that I could be stronger, smarter, more sophisticated.  I wish that I could learn to look askance at the things I'm told and not be so ready to simply accept people as they present themselves.  I should be realistic about my possibilities and prospects.  
I should stop writing my own fairy tale.
Fat chance.  

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